Sunday, November 4, 2012

Low GI Recipe - Lemon Iced Tea

Another summer drink recipe I might try this summer.  The recipe is from the Australian Better Homes and Gardens Diabetic Living Magazine in the Divine Desserts booklet found in the November-December 2012 Issue.

Lemon Iced Tea

Preparation Time: 15 mins (+ 1 hour cooling and 6 hours chilling)
Cooking Time: 5 mins

Makes 2L (Serves 8)

2L (8 cups) boiling water
110g (1/2 cup) CSR LoGiCane Low GI Cane Sugar
5 Black tea bags
60ml (1/4 cup) freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 small lemon, halved crossways, thinly sliced
Ice cubes to serve
Fresh mint leaves to serve.

1. Pour the boiling water into a large heatproof jug. Add the sugar and stir until the sugar dissolves. Add the tea bags and jiggle for a few minutes.  Set the tea bags aside in the water for 10 mins to steep.  Squeeze excess liquid from the tea bags and remove.

2. Stir the lemon juice into the tea and set aside for 1 hour to cool slightly.  Add the lemon slices to the tea. Refrigerate for 4-6 hours, or until chilled.

3. To serve, fill small glasses with ice cubes, add a few mint leaves and top up with tea.  Serve immediately.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Entry Number 28 - The Insulin Journey, First Wrap Up

This insulin journey is now in it's second, or is it third week?  I've lost track, started on the evening of the 19th October ... so let's see (fingers and toes out for counting), okay 15 nights tonight, so just over two weeks.

I started on 10ml as instructed, stayed on that for 4 nights, made little to no difference, so upped it to 12ml, a slightly downward shift, very slight.  So up to 14ml next, still only a small shift downward.  So up to 16ml and suddenly I get mid 7's two mornings in a row.  Happy dance.

And then the crappiness of this bloody disease hits again, next morning I've jumped up a lot, back to almost where I was when I started.  So I immediately up the insulin to 18ml, forgetting until this morning that the Prof said increase by 2s until 16 and then 4s, and another crap reading this morning, although a smidge down on yesterday morning.

So tonight its 20ml ... lets see what the morning brings, I fear it's not going to be good because tonight we did take away - sigh, there was nothing in the cupboards because hubby didn't have time to shop, or the will to go to the shops and shop tonight.  I don't blame him, it's been a long and hard week for both of us in lots of ways.

It's not excuse though, I need to just get back into shopping, too bad if my bad can't cope, it is not fair that he has to do it all.  I am happy to online shop, but he doesn't want that as he likes to pick the food he is cooking.

I've still been down about the whole suggested lap sleeve surgery, but the more this disease plays with my head, the more it becomes a choice I might be willing to take.

So even though the full moon was only the other night, there is no brightness here tonight.

Thanks for popping by.

An added p.s - just to show you how this plays with your mind, after thinking I would get a crap reading this morning, I got a 7.5 - go figure!!!

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Low GI Recipe - Sparking Triple-Berry Punch

So a drink this time, just for something different.  I haven't tried it yet, but it is on my menu for Christmas Day.

From Australian Better Homes and Gardens, Diabetic Living Magazine, November/Dec 2012

Now the recipe doesn't have any nutritional or GI info, but I am hoping, given it is in their magazine it is at least no more than medium GI.

Sparkling Triple-Berry Punch, Serves 6

1.5L light cranberry juice, chilled

Juice of 1/2 lemon

1.25L diet dry ginger ale, chilled

750ml Yellowglen Jewel Pink, chilled

250gm strawberries, hulled, chopped

120g (1 cup) frozen raspberries

1/4 cup small mint leaves

Ice cubes, to serve

Extra mint, to serve

1. Put juices, ginger ale, wine, berries, mint and ice in a large jug. Stir well. Top with extra mint to serve.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Entry Number 27 - See the Person, Not the Disease

So I've been thinking a lot about my reaction to Wednesday's visit to the Prof, my diabetes specialist, and I've realised that what pissed me off the most is that I felt he only sees the disease not me, well not the real me.

He is good at what he does, one of the best in Perth in fact, and he has years and years of experience.  But does he see me or only what he wants for me?

I know he wants me to be a controlled diabetic.

I know that he knows that losing weight will help.

I know that he has my best interests at heart.

But I don't know if he sees me, the square peg that very rarely fits into the round hole of anything.

I have 3 types of arthritis and none responded to the medication like they should, in fact I could say that the medications made no difference at all.

I have type 2 Diabetes, and a Low GI food diet, medication and even exercise (when I was at the pool) made only a slight bit of difference in the long run.  Even losing 12 kgs didn't bring my blood sugars down to even close to normal, in honesty if made a slight difference for a short period of time.

So while it is good to have all the medical knowledge in the world, if you don't see the person, if you don't listen to the person, can you cure the person?

Now I am not saying that I am a perfect person, doing all the right things all the time, hell no.  I am the first to admit that I break the rules all the time, especially when I am stressed - which lately is all the time.  But I am trying the hardest I can to do the right thing, but when it comes down to it I am human and I am me and maybe, just maybe you need to think outside the box of this disease to help me.

Is that asking too much?

Friday, October 19, 2012

Entry Number 26 - Trying to Find The Bright Side

Last night as I sat and thought about giving myself my Insulin injection, I took the time to reflect on the positives.

1. Only 1 needle per day (at this point anyway).

2. The insulin can be injected at room temperature, so less likely to sting

3. I only have to give it to myself at bedtime (at this point anyway), which means I can now think about going out for breakfast or dinner without carrying it with me.

4. If I do have to start giving it to myself more often, I don't have to carry the cooler bag with me, so it is more discrete.

5. I don't have to rush home to make sure I have enough time before my evening meal to give myself an injection.

It is still stressing me about the weight gain that is inevitable, but at least there is a slight new spin happening in my head, which is good.

So I won't put up a dark moon today, nor a bright orange one, in fact I will leave it blank, and take the pressure off there as well.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Entry Number 25 - The Insulin Regime Starts Tonight

So putting a half glass full on the whole going onto Insulin, at least I now no longer have to do 2 injections a day plus the evening Insulin as I am off the Byetta as it did nothing for me - no weight loss and only marginal dropping of my BGLs at the beginning.

So before retiring to the Land of Nod tonight I will start my Lantis Insulin injection at 10ml, then I need to check my BGL in the morning prior to breakfast, after 4 nights of 10 ml (and the subsequent morning checks), if it is not going down, I need to increase to 12, then 14, then 16, then 20, then 24, then 28 etc until I start to get some results.

So the waiting (no pun intended and of course it would be spelt differently) game begins.  Will this work?  One can only hope.

When I saw John (my pysch) on Monday I told him I was struggling with feeling broken and fragmented, I feel like I no longer have the ability to see the glass as half full.  He found one for me though, many years ago there would not have been medication for Diabetes - so true.

Still this feeling of being fragmented is a worry.  I am so scared that if I let one little shard go I will fracture into a million pieces.

I am sure that attending counselling will help in the long run, but right about now it feels like I have just lifted the corner of Pandora's Box and all that is within will coming bursting out at a rate that is too fast for me to cope with.

Suppression may lead to depression, but I'm sort of scared that non suppression will lead to insanity!

I'd like to welcome my 2 new followers, Wanderlust and Melissa, 2 wonderful cyber friends who along with The Elephant's Child send me so much love that it brings tears to my eyes - thanks ladies.  And of course there is my Mum (Mimsie) who has always been there for me.

Today I had my injections into my back, hopefully they will bring me some relief and I can get back to the pool and walking.  I expect though that the cortisone will increase my readings for a few days as well.

Tonight we had the lovely Low GI Chicken Curry from this post - it really is delicious.

Thanks for popping by and sharing you love and support, I am really trying to get the golden moon back here again xxx

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Entry Number 24 - What's The Point?

I will forewarn you, this will be a Dark Side of the Moon post, it will also be somewhat painful to write.  I know it will be teary post, because my eyes are already brimming with tears.

What's The Point - of trying to eat well, of giving up Coke, of injecting myself twice daily?  Nothing it seems as my readings are going sky high again and now I will be on insulin.

What's The Point - of even trying at all, when this disease chews you up and spits you out like a piece of discarded waste?

What's The Point, well the point is I am trying to live without my feet being amputated, without going blind, without getting sicker and sicker.

But, shit, I am trying and it is not working.

I am still classed as uncontrolled, and too right I am, I am uncontrolled with frustration and anger.  I am really to smash something, but What's The Point?  It changes nothing.

My weight is already heading back up because I am off the arthritis medication that gave me constant diarrhoea, nearly 5kgs in 3 months, and I am trying to eat less and eat well, What's The Point ... it makes no difference at all.

So now, it is recommended I have a gastric sleeve operation, permanent surgery to reduce the amount I am eating, because NO ONE IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION BELIEVES ME!!

They all think I overeat, it's bloody obvious, they do that smile when I try and tell them, you know the one, the right She's Kidding Herself smile.

And just to sweeten the deal for me, now I am on insulin and that makes you put on weight.  BLOODY WIN WIN SITUATION THIS ISN'T.

But somehow I am supposed to smile and get on with my life.

So here is the Dark Moon, and it is likely it will be here for a while now.

And a side note to my Mum, please don't call me to talk about this, if and when I want to talk I will bring it up, I just need some time to sit with this.  Your support is always appreciated, and I love that you are there for me, but I need time to process this, please.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Entry Number 23

There maybe some good news for me on the horizon. I will be undergoing a pain management treatment in a couple of weeks, and if it works, my lower back and leg pain could be gone.

This will allow me to exercise a little more, and should coincide with our local pool opening for summer as well.  So if I can lose a little more weight that will help bring down my BG levels.

But most of all, reducing my pain, thus reducing some of my stress, will also help my BG levels as it is a known fact that stress can impact on your levels.

I will be off to see the Prof in a couple of weeks as well, and I am sure my three monthly test will most likely show a higher level than last time.  I know he won't be pleased, but I will plead my case and see if we can avoid going on insulin for just a little while longer, hoping that getting back into the pool and having less pain will work their magic.

Walking out of the pain specialist yesterday I felt so much lighter, so here is the lovely rising full moon, lets hope I can keep in the lightness of being frame of mind for the rest of this week at least.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Entry Number 22

So the week from hell has moved into another week.  I have been so stressed that I just haven't even bothered to test my BG levels, I know they will be high.

But I must start again, I see the Prof in a little over a month, so better have something to take with me, although there will be the 3 monthly blood test which will give him an overview.

I really hope he doesn't add insulin to the mix, but what will be will be I suppose.

Will post some new recipes next week, and try and be here on a more regular basis.

The Dark Side of the Moon is alive and well, but there is a glimmer of hope as tonight my anxiety levels seem to be somewhat lower - doing all I can to make them get lower and lower.

Thanks for popping on by. xxx

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Entry Number 21

God I hate needles, sure, I am getting better at just doing them, but I hate them nonetheless!!!!

This morning's needle was so painful when I was trying to push it in, I ended up having to pull it out and find another place.  There were tears and everything.  I haven't had tears for weeks.  Just when I thought I was moving forward, I have taken a big step back.

All in all it has been a stressful weekend and this just was the cherry on the cake, a big black rotten cherry!

So tonight I am off to give myself my night injection and hoping that I find a nice pain free place, no pain going in, no pain during and no pain after.

I feel like all the skin (and whatever is just under your skin) is bruised and sore and it is making me sad.

I fell off the wagon big time this weekend as well, Chinese for tea last night (as the family was over and it was the easiest to do) and then out for lunch today and nothing on the menu was diabetes friendly.  Then dealing with some personal family issues has had me craving chocolate in a huge way, so far I have stayed strong, but I did have some sough dough bread with real butter and cheese as an afternoon snack.

Tomorrow is a new day, and hopefully the start of a great week.

One can only hope.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Friday, September 7, 2012

Entry Number 20

The last week or so have been up and down, I have fallen off the wagon (deliberately) which is not good, but I only have myself to blame on that one.

I really need to get back to checking my BG levels as well, so from Monday I am going to make myself do it every morning and every night for a week.  It is too easy for me to avoid checking and then kidding myself everything must be alright when it probably is not.

I have been contemplating asking a cyber friend to do a guest post here about her diabetes journey, just so there is a different voice and a different perspective as everyone's journey is different.  Just have to get the courage to ask her I suppose, after all she can only say no but she might actually say yes and that would be great.

Health wise I have noticed I have started bruising more easily, especially when injecting my tummy. In fact the other day I had a major bleed under the skin, so I must have hit a small blood vessel.  The last time I did that it took over a month for the bruise to disappear which is a pain in the butt as it means that area is out of bounds until the bruise goes.  I also have a bruise from my latest blood test at the path lab, which is unusual as the lady that took it this time never usually bruises me.

Oh, and the red welts are definitely an allergic reaction of some type, as last week I took a couple of anti-histamines as my sinus were cruddy and the welts all disappeared overnight.  Must mention that to Tim when I see him next.

I did enjoy the beautiful full moon the other night, even opened the blinds so the moonlight could fall on the bed while I slept.  So while I don't necessarily feel a Lightness of Being at the moment, it is not Dark Side of the Moon either, so here is a shot of a gorgeous silver moon sailing across the night sky.

Thanks for popping by. xxx

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Low GI Recipes - Spicy Chicken with Carrot and Herb Salad

Low GI Recipe - Spicy Chicken with Carrot and Herb Salad

This is a light meal rather than a main meal by the magazine's definition, however, hubby and I often have it as a quick and easy main meal and we have a normal garden salad and add some sweet potato home-made wedges.  I don't like raw carrots so we have never tried the salad as suggested in the magazine.  Please note the nutritional info at the bottom is as given in the magazine for their recipe and does not include our add ons.

Spicy Chicken with Carrot and Herb Salad Serves 2 as a Light Meal
(Page 84, Better Homes and Gardens Australia Diabetic Living Jan-Feb 2011)

Preparation Time : 15 mins (+15 mins cooling) Cooking Time : 20 mins

1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1/4 teaspoon round cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
200g chicken thigh fillets, trimmed of fat
Cooking spray
70g (1/4 cup) low-fat Greek-style natural yoghurt
20g (2 cups) baby spinach leaves
Lemon wedges, to serve

Carrot and herb salad
60g (1/4 cup) Doongara rice
2 carrots, coarsely grated
1/4 cup fresh coriander leaves
1/4 cup fresh mint leaves
125g green beans, trimmed, sliced
1 green shallot, finely chopped
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed orange juice
Freshly ground black pepper

1. Cook the rice in a small saucepan of boiling water following packet directions. Set aside for 15 mins to cool.

2. Preheat a barbecue grill to medium high. (we often cook our chicken in a non-stick frypan)  Put the ground coriander, cinnamon, turmeric and cumin in a medium shallow dis. Add the chicken and turn to coat.

3. Spray each side of the chicken fillets with cooking spray. Put on barbecue grill. Reduce heat to medium. Cook on each side for 5-6 minutes or until cooked through. Transfer to a plate. Cover loosely with foil and set aside for 2-3 minutes to rest.

4. Carrot and herb salad. Put the cooled rick, carrot, coriander, mint, beans and shallot in a medium bowl. Add orange juice and season with pepper. Toss to combine.

5. Slice the chicken and divide between plates. Top with the yoghurt. Serve with salad, spinach and lemon wedges.

Nutritional info:
Per serve: 1435kJ, protein 25.9g, total fat 9.7g (sat. fat 2.9g), cholesterol 90.5mg, carbs 35.2g, fibre 5g, sodium 165.3mg, Carb exchange: 2 1/2. GI estimate: low, Gluten free

Monday, August 27, 2012

Entry Number 19 - Life Stacks The Odds Sometimes

Funny how life stacks the odds against you sometimes, or that is what it feels like.  I tried to start at a gym and my knee threw a spanner in the works.  Said knee has now added another spanner with a cortisone injection this afternoon, which my rhuematologist tells me will amp up my BG levels for a day or two.  Still if it helps with the pain then it is worth it.

I do need to take some responsibility here too though, I can not blame it on the Universe, well of course I can and do, but I have a hand in all things and am not a puppet.  My problem is, well possibly is, that I have always put everyone else first.  So it was easy to fall into the 'I'll look after myself later' philosophy.  Nobody made me do it, it seems to be just who I am.

So I stuck my head in the sand about many things, but mainly the diabetes.  As I have said before I knew it was coming, the clock was ticking so loudly that it was deafening - I just put in ear plugs!

I am not throwing a pity party here, I am just being honest.  I need to face up and accept some blame, become pro-active in fixing what I can (and hopefully slowling this disease down just a little).

I need to give up my soft drink of choice - Coke, and I mostly have, even when my hubby (and my son in law) keep buying it - killing me with kindness it seems.  I haven't had any for ages and then had a small can on the plane over to Adelaide and a small one on the way back.  God, I enjoyed it so much, but I stopped at one, so some will power.  But I am worried about summer.  I love a tall, ice cold Coke in a glass with ice (or two or three glasses) on a really hot day.  It refreshes me, I prefer it over all other soft drinks, and don't even talk about the diet or zero version .. they are not the same no matter what the advertising tells you.

So I am looking at trying to substitute iced T2 teas as an alternative, wish me luck on that one.

My other big failing is chocolate and Smiths chips ... not all the time, like the Coke, but enough to be a big temptation, especially if I need comfort food.  I am thinking of celery sticks, raw broccoli and lots of fruit as a substitute this summer.  With maybe the littlest bit of chocolate on those really bad days, which thankfully are not that often.

Today has been a dark side of the moon day, going back to work with this much pain gave me a very short fuse.  Hopefully two days off work with my knee elevated will turn the tide slowly back to a bright and shiny Lightness of Being.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Entry Number 18 - Head in the Sand Again!

Well I had a great week in Adelaide, it was very relaxing, I managed to read two books, do a little shopping for my three grand-daughters and just put my feet up and look out at the lake.  So I did reduce my stress levels, so a tick for that.

However, I did not make good food choices most of the time.  Breakfast most days was okay, a nice omelet or poached eggs on toast - although strange how they don't have multi-grain toast on the menu.  Usually with a glass of orange juice and a cup of tea and a small selection of sliced fruit.

The first lunch I popped over to the local shopping centre and got a prawn and lettuce Japanese salad, which was yummy and very healthy.  They other days though, well it was wet and my back and knee were killing me so much that the walk across seemed too daunting, so I chose room-service, it was toasted ham and cheese sandwich one day and a BLT the next day.  Did I mention they both came with yummy crunchy chips!!  So not such a good choice at all, but I did enjoy them.  The day we went to the Barossa we had a homemade meat pie with spinach and caramelised onion - absolutely divine, but again maybe not such a good choice with the very buttery short-crust pastry around the pie.

Most nights I tried to make good choices from the limited menu, and I really enjoyed most of the meals but again, there wasn't a lot that came with veggies and so I had braised lamb shank with mash and spinach, a blue swimmer crab risotto (I only ate less than half), chicken snitchzel and chips and salad and then a steak with mash and carrots.

I also ate 2 blocks of chocolate and drank copious quantities of the Farmer's Union Iced Coffee (but the good one with no added sugar and 1% fat milk).

So I stuck my head in the sand and didn't measure my BG levels the whole time I was away.

I seriously need to face up to this disease, but it seems so hard when away and relaxing.

I was also very naughty on the way home and bought a box of Haigh's Dark Chocolate covered Ginger, but I did share it with my hubby and they say dark chocolate's okay - but maybe not so much all at once.

Still, now I am home again, I will try and get back on track.  I do worry though, that if we do a long trip, will I ever be able to keep myself on the straight and narrow?

So all in all the whole time I was away was a Lightness of Being moment because I stuck my head in the sand!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Low GI Recipe - Banana Bread with ricotta & honey

Banana Bread with Ricotta & Honey, Serves 8 as breakfast
(page 94 Better Homes and Gardens Australia Diabetic Living May/June 2012 magazine)

Preparation Time : 15 mins, + 10 mins cooling time.  Cooking Time : 45 mins

Cooking spray
3 ripe bananas, peeled
80g (1/2 cup) low fat vanilla yoghurt
3 x 50g eggs
60g 40% reduced-fat sunflower spread, melted, cooled
1 tspn vanilla essence
160g (1 cup) wholemeal self-raising flour
75g (1/2 cup) self-raising flour
15g (1/2 cup) oat bran
1 tspn ground cinnamon
70g (1/2 cup, firmly packed) dark brown sugar or 1/3 cup granulated sugar substitute
250g low-fat ricotta
2 Tblspn honey

1. Preheat oven to 170C (fan-forced). Spray a 7cm-deep, 10cm x 21cm (base measurement) loaf pan with cooking spray. Line base and sides with baking paper, allowing the paper to overhang the sides.

2. Put bananas in a large bowl. Mash with a fork until smooth. Add yoghurt, eggs, spread and vanilla essence. Whisk until smooth. Set aside.

3. Put flours, oat bran, cinnamon and sugar in medium bowl.  Stir until well combined.  Add flour mixture to banana mixture and mix until just combined. Pour batter into loaf pan and smooth surface.

4. Bake for 40-45 mins or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Set aside in loaf pan for 10 mins to cool slightly, then turn out onto wire rack.

5. Slice bread and spread with ricotta.  Drizzle with honey to serve.

Cooks Tip : This banana bread is delicious served warm or cold.

Nutrition Info:
Per Serve (with sugar) 1278kJ, protein: 10.5g, total fat 9.2g (sat. fat 3.4g), cholesterol 84.5mg, carbs: 44.1g, fibre 3.9g, sodium 318.9mg. Carb exchange: 3. GI Estimate : medium.

Per Serve (with sugar substitute)  1158kJ, protein: 10.5g, total fat 9.2g (sat. fat 3.4g), cholesterol 84.5mg, carbs: 36.6g, fibre 3.9g, sodium 317.9mg. Carb exchange: 2 1/2. GI Estimate : medium.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Entry Number 17 - Relief

So all the stress and worry were for nothing.  I got myself into a right state right before we left home.  Poor hubby, I don't think he has seen me so anxious before.  We got to the airport and they put my bag through, didn't say anything, so I picked it up and walked away.  Then felt like a right idiot for being so stressed.  Mind you, I  will probably be the same each time I travel as I hate being the centre of attention, and the odds are that at some time, some where, someone will ask me about what I am carrying.

When I was traveling to Broome in May, I rang Qantas and asked them if there was a procedure to take my drugs (injectable ones) on their plane.  The guy said it was all okay with them but if I didn't have a letter from my specialist that the guys on security would throw my drugs into the bin.  So that time I left them at home and missed 3 days of injections.

When I saw my specialist in July he was outraged at that outdated information, but I was glad I hadn't taken the chance.  Now I have the letter, at least I can justify why I have needles and drugs in my bag.

The other stressor was keeping my drugs cool enough.  Unlike insulin which I believe can be room temperature once it has been opened and being used, my drug Byetta, has to be kept refrigerated at all times (but not frozen) and is injected cold.  I ordered a Frio flight kit and it is a little bag that holds another bag that is insulated, you just immerse it in cold water for a few minutes and it activates the crystals inside.  It worked well and kept my pen cold and then I popped it in the fridge when we got here.  The actual travel kit is still cold and keeps cold for up to 4 days, and can be reactivated during that time to extend the time frame.  It is a great idea and well worth the $50 I paid for it.

Hopefully you wont see a post in a few days time with me all stressed again when we fly back home.  I will do my best to stay sane this time.

So today I will share a Lightness of Being photo, for I am feeling relaxed and happy.

Thanks for popping by. xxx

Low GI Recipes - Coconut Beef Curry

Coconut Beef Curry, Serves 2 as a main
(page 86 Better Homes and Gardens Australia Diabetic Living Magazine May/June 2011)

Preparation Time 15 mins, Cooking Time 40 mins.

1 tspn olive oil
250g beef oyster blade steak, trimmed of fat, chopped
1 tspn Garam Marsala
1/2 tspn ground turmeric
Pinch of ground chillies
125ml (1/2 cup) Trident Light Coconut Milk
145g (1/2 cup) canned no-added-salt chopped tomatoes
200g cauliflower, chopped
100g green beans, trimmed diagonally sliced
100g yellow squash, quartered (personally I am not a bit fan of the squash and like more cauliflower)
100g (1/2 cup) basmati rice

1. Heat the oil in a medium saucepan on medium-high. Add the beef. Cook for 2-3 minutes, tossing often, until browned. Reduce the heat to medium. Add the garam marsala, turmeric and chillies. Cook, stirring for 30 seconds.

2. Add coconut milk and tomato to the pan. Bring to a simmer. Cook partially covered, for 25 minutes or until meat is tender.

3. Add cauliflower, beans and squash to the pan. Cook, partially covered for 5-10 minutes or until the veggies are tender.

4. Meanwhile, cook the rice following packet directions. Drain well.

5. Serve the curry with rice.

Nutrition info 
per serve: 1992kJ, protein: 25.7g, total fat: 13.7g (sat fat 7.7g), cholesterol: 71.3mg, carbs: 48.3g, fibre: 6.2g, sodium: 120.7mg. Carb exchanges: 3 1/2. GI Estimate: medium. Gluten free

Monday, August 20, 2012

Entry Number 16 - Trepidation

So today I am flying out to Adelaide and it is the first day I will be traveling with all my diabetes paraphernalia and I am suffering some trepidation about the whole thing.

I have my letter from the doctor, I have my special cool pack to keep my drugs at a low temperature, I have my BG monitor and all my other associated drugs.  It is not so much that I am worried that the security will try and take it all away from me, although there is a small tinge of worry there about that, it is more that it will draw attention to myself.

I don't want to be the person they pull aside and start asking questions of, in a busy airport, in a long line of people.  I feel quite ill at the thought of it all.

I am hoping that it will all be smooth sailing, that they won't even say or do anything, but what if they do?

Sure I have my letter of authority, but I know I will hate the 'whole centre of attention' thing.  I know I will get upset and maybe cry, and the whole thing is really doing my head in.  So much so that I have a splitting headache and I had the worst night's sleep of my life last night.

I know that once I do it once that I will be less stressed each and every time after that, but that doesn't help how I am feeling right about now.  Ironically, I am trying to avoid stress as that puts my BG levels up - good old Catch 22 is alive and well again.

This is why I really hate this disease, it is causing me anxiety, it is causing me to face change (and I am not good at that at all), it is causing me to be the centre of attention (even if it is just in my own head).  I don't deserve this.  There I've said it, I DON'T DESERVE THIS.  Ultimately that is what is pissing my off the most.

The Dark Side of the Moon is here today, hopefully by the time I get on the plane I will be able to say what all went well and I will have a Lightness of Being moment because I did it.  Please God, that is all I ask, let this be easy for me today.

I have scheduled this post so come up while I am on the plane, just in case one of my family reads this and tries to ring me to offer support, I love that they do that for me, but I need not to cry right now and just writing this is causing me to leak and I know if they call I will full on start blubbering.

Trying to keep all this away from my hubby as well, he doesn't need the added stress in his life either.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Entry Number 15 - Diabetes and Chronic Pain

I have just been reading one of the articles in the Better Homes and Garden Australia Diabetic Living magazine (July/August 2011) about Chronic Pain.  If you have very visited my other blog Menopausal Mumma you will know that I have pain, I don't know if I would call it chronic as there are days when the medication I am on keeps it manageable, but then there are days like today when everything seems to hurt.  Those days are hard, hard to keep myself in a positive head space.

This article is looking at alternative ways to help with pain, rather than just popping pills.  What I didn't like was this bit of the article ....

But if you are among the one in five people who lives with chronic pain, it can be your worst enemy. Having diabetes may ramp up your risk of such suffering - there are many ways in which complications of the condition can cause you discomfort, with nerve pain in the feet and legs a particular culprit.

Great, while I don't yet seem to have any nerve neuropathy associated with my diabetes, it is always a threat.

Of course, the usual, aim to lose weight is in there in the article - I get a little tired of that message.  Sure we all know that to be lighter is better, but it is just not that easy to achieve.  If you can develop a pill that makes me wake up 50 kgs lighter, I will be the first to put my hand up.  I get that you need to make healthy food choices, and I am trying.  I get that you need to exercise, but hey chronic pain and exercise is a catch 22 situation, just as severe arthritis and exercise seem to defy each other.

They say to take some stress out of your life, well I am trying that as well.

The alternative remedies they recommend you try are

Qi gong
TENS machine
Capsaicin cream

Some of these I already do, I have acupuncture and massage and I must admit both help.  The acupuncture is not Chinese acupuncture, but trigger point dry needling from my physio and it hurts like hell, but it really does give a lot of relief after the treatment.  I used to have a weekly hour long massage and that kept me supple, but with my massage therapist moving back to Melbourne I have struggled to find someone who is as good.  Although this week my physio massaged my upper back and it took a lot of tension away.

So I have to try adding more movement into my day and I may give this Capsiacin cream a go, although it does warn it takes up to 8 week to see any effect.  I won't be doing the Yoga as I can not get onto the floor and if I do, I can't get up again.

I am also booked into see a Pain Management Specialist at the end of September, I hope he can offer me some relief and if that works then the gym may come back as being an option for me.  I also will go back to the pool when it opens in October.

I think I can say that even with the pain today it is a a pretty good day.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Low GI Recipes - Chicken Curry

This is also from a Better Homes and Gardens Australia Diabetic Living magazine, I can't find the actual magazine but it is from a couple of years ago.  I always get good readings after eating this, and the other morning I got the best reading ever after eating this the night before.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Chicken Curry, Serves 6
(we halve the recipe for chicken, garlic and onion but leave the spices, tomato, yoghurt and water the same as if you are serving 6.  Hubby has a larger portion than me or takes some the next day for lunch).

1kg chicken pieces (skin removed), lately we have been using boned skinless chicken thighs which reduces the cooking time and still tastes yummy.
2 tspn olive oil
1 brown onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tspn fresh ginger, finely chopped
1 tspn ground cumin
1/2 tspn ground turmeric
1 Tblspn ground coriander
1 tspn ground black pepper

1 medium tomato, finely chopped
1 tsp ground cayenne pepper (optional)

130gm (1/2 cup) low fat plain yoghurt
125ml (1/2 cup) water
1 Tblspn lemon juice
Chopped fresh coriander for garnish
2 lemons cut into wedges for garnish

Cut 2-3 slits about 2.5cm long in each piece of chicken (we don't do this with the boneless chicken thighs).  Line a large plate with paper towels.  In a large heavy-based saucepan (with lid), heat the oil on med-high.  Add 1/2 chicken pieces and cook, turning occasionally for 5 mins or until chicken is light golden brown.  Transfer to the lined plate and repeat with the remaining chicken.  Set aside.

Add to pan the onion, garlic, ginger and cumin.  Reduce heat to medium and cook stirring often, for 6-8 mins or until onion begins to soften.  Add turmeric, coriander, pepper, tomato and cayenne pepper.  Cook, stirring occasionally for 2 mins.

In a small bowl, using a fork, whisk the yoghurt until smooth.  Gradually add to the pan while stirring.  Return the chicken to the pan.

Stir in water.  Cover and bring to a simmer.  Reduce heat to low and cook, partially covered for 20-25 mins or until the chicken is cooked through.

Pour over lemon juice.  Sprinkle with chopped coriander.  Serve with rice and lemon wedges.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Entry Number 14

Today started off on a high, I got the best morning fasting reading I have ever had.  Mind you it is still not in the 'normal' range, but certainly heading down that way.

Of course, as diabetes is such a fickle disease, I will not be disappointed if it heads on back up again for a while - sigh, well maybe a little disappointed after all I am only human.

If I was to test tomorrow morning I think it might be a lot higher as we had an 'easy' tea tonight, probably not as Low GI as it should have been, but you have those days.  We are trying hard to have less of them though, but Friday always seems to end up one of those.  Both of us tired at the end of the busy working week.

Can't quite see it's smiling face.
But all in all, today has been a good day.  Maybe not quite a full lightness of being day orange moon day, but pretty close, so tonight I give you a big silver full moon to gaze on.

Looking forward to the weekend, that is for sure.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Entry Number 13

For a long, long time I stuck my head in the sand and denied to myself that I would get diabetes.  The warning signs were all there, but it was all too hard.

It is still all too hard on many days, but I did end up with diabetes, and to have hindsight now is just not worth the effort.

When I first went to John, he felt that I was scared as I was being faced by my mortality, but I didn't think that was entirely right.  Sure I don't want to die, but then there are days when I honestly think, I can not do this for another 20 or 30 years, sometimes even another year or two seem too much.  I just don't have the strength.  I don't mean to sound dramatic, and I am certainly not contemplating taking my life or anything like that.  But there are days when it is all too hard.  Of course there are lots of wonderful things to live for as well, and they are what keep me going.

When I saw John this week, I started talking about some of the things I have dealt with over the years. Some of the things put into boxes, tied up tight and that I thought I had dealt with.  As I started listing them out, John commented that he didn't think I was necessarily worried about my mortality.  That maybe he got that wrong (nice to think he can admit he could be wrong, I like that about him).  He now thought I just didn't have any more room to deal with any more things.  So I think that means I need to deal with some of the other crap I have buried in boxes in my soul, so that I can have the strength to deal with this HUGE life changing thing that is happening now.  Don't get me wrong, it is not as if I have had a shit life, but I have always taken on emotional burdens, always had a sense of having to try harder to please, to be the best all the time and then there is the normal family bits and pieces that bob up in your life.  I've got 57 years of that to talk about.

He must think the same thing because suddenly he was talking about a couple of more visits than he originally thought I would need.

But you see, it is scary to deal with things, things buried.  There is the possibility that they will have grown huge in the dark.  I suppose that there is also the possibility of them having shrunk, maybe I should focus on that instead.

Then there is the whole, I need to get this right mentality I seem to be having.  I know this is not a test, that talking to John is not about me telling him the things that he wants to hear, it is about telling him the things I don't want to share.  Or at least I think that's the right thing, it is not a test that I can fail, is it?

But you see I am scared.  Not scared because I am ashamed of anything, but scared that if I start crying I may never stop.  It is so much easier to just push things down, and then further down, rather than deal with them.  Why does life have to get so complicated?

Today has been a slow drift back to the Dark Side of the Moon, and you know, sometimes I seem to be quite comfortable there!  God knows what that says about me, and thankfully those days are few and far between.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Entry Number 12

So this morning started with a good (for me) BG reading.  I then promptly forgot to take my tablets after breakfast and then spent the day on the run.  I did however, remember my lunch time tablet, which is the one I more often than not forget.

I got a big plus from my podiatrist, my feet are fully functional and I felt every little poke.  You have to close your eyes so you can't cheat.  So that is great news.  She also commented that my slight hairy toes (OMG) are a good sign that I still have great blood supply to my legs and feet - BONUS.  I promptly got them waxed this afternoon at the beautician - lol.

I had lunch with a good friend who was over on a brief visit from Queensland and I choose a healthy lunch, grilled field mushrooms on sourdough bread with roasted tomato and avocado.  It was yummy and healthy.  Can pat myself on the back about that one.

Hopefully my reading tonight will be good as well.

I have made a decision not to test each and every day, so Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I will do the fasting test (before breakfast) and then 2 hours after the evening meal.

Occasionally I will also test 2 hours after breakfast and lunch as well.  Just to get an idea of what's happening with certain food choices.  My dietician would like me to test more often, my specialist is happy to support my choice.

Now I just need to get the courage to do to the dentist!  For those of you new to the disease, or who don't know anything about diabetes, infections in the mouth are a possible consequence.  As is numbness on your feet, and ulcers on the legs.  Reduced blood to your eyes can also cause blindness.  Untreated infections can result in gangrene and the loss of your lower limbs or toes.  It is a scary disease and as I have recently found out, it is progressive.  So that means no matter how good you are, it will still get worse.  But hopefully that also means, the more you try, the slower that happens.  If only someone had explained that to me a long time ago.

Today has been another lightness of being day, partly because of the good results re my feet and largely because I got to spend a couple of hours with a great friend, and then another couple getting pampered at the beautician.

Low GI Recipe - Ginger Pork and Rice Lettuce Cups

I thought that if this blog was to be helpful to anyone else on a similar journey to mine that maybe I should make it a little more than just how I was feeling on any given day.

So I will share some recipes that I have found give me a good BG result.  Now these recipes are not mine so please know that there is probably a copyright issue somewhere, but hopefully I will avoid that by acknowledging where the recipe came from.

The recipe as written below serves 4, given that there are only 2 of us, we divided all the ingredients by half except the sauce which we left as stated.  It was a filling meal, tasted delicious and gave me a good result 2 hours after dinner.

Ginger Pork and Rice Lettuce Cups (Page 32 of Better Homes and Gardens Australian Diabetic Living, September/October 2012).

Prep Time : 15 minutes.  Cooking Time : 20 minutes.  Serves 4 (as a main)
Nutrition info per serve : 1735kJ, protein 33.5g, total fat 11.2g (sat. fat. 3.6g) cholesterol 102.5mg, carbs 40.5g, fibre 8.5g, sodium 422.8mg.  Carb exchange 2 2/3.  GI estimate low.  Gluten free option.

105g (1/2 cup) Doongara rice
1 tsp olive oil
500g lean pork mince
4cm piece of ginger, peeled and finely grated
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
100g green beans, trimmed, sliced diagonally
100g button mushrooms, sliced
2 carrots, chopped
2 sticks of celery, chopped
1 corncob, kernels removed (hubby substituted a small tin of corn)
100g snow peas, thinly shredded
225g can sliced water chestnuts, drained and chopped (I loved the little pieces of these)
160g (2 cups) finely shredded cabbage
2 Tblsp water
2 Tblsp sweet chilli sauce or gluten free sweet chilli sauce
1Tblsp salt-reduced soy sauce or gluten free, salt-reduced soy sauce
8 iceberg lettuce leaves (we actually didn't bother with these as we forget to get a lettuce).

Step 1.  Cook rice in small saucepan of boiling water for 10-12 minutes or until tender.  Drain well and set aside.

Step 2. Meanwhile, heat half the oil in a large wok over a medium-high heat.  Add mince, ginger and garlic.  Cook, stirring often to break up the mince, for 3-4 minutes or until mince changes colour and is just cooked through.  Transfer to a bowl and set aside.

Step 3.  Add remaining oil to wok and increase heat to high.  Add beans, mushrooms, carrot, celery, corn, snow peas and water chestnuts.  Stir-fry for 3-4 minutes or until vegetables are almost tender.  Add cabbage, rice and water. Toss to combine.  Cover and cook for 2 minutes or until vegetable are just tender.

Step 4. Mix sweet chilli sauce and soy sauce in a bowl.  Add mince mixture to wok with sauce mixture. Toss until combined and heated through.

Step 5.  Put 2 lettuce leaves on each plate.  Spoon mince mixture into leaves and serve.

I hope you enjoy and that it helps your blood glucose levels as well.  xxx

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Entry Number 11

So this afternoon was my 2nd visit to see John (my psychologist) and yet more tears were shed.  I sort of knew I would leak again when reading him back my entries.  We only got through Number 1 and 2. He feels I am getting somewhere though, which is a good thing and has encouraged me to keep writing.

It seems that all the times I have put things into a box, thinking they were dealt with, and then put them away somewhere in my soul, that sometimes I really hadn't dealt with them at all.  Now a few of boxes might be springing leaks or maybe there is just no more room for more boxes and so my diabetes is like the straw that broke the camel's back.  I can sort of relate to that analogy.

Funny how my father keeps coming up as an issue, even when I don't go there thinking I will talk about him.  But it seems that maybe it was because of my feelings around him that I built the very first box.  I know that is a cliche in some ways, you know, that it always the father or mother figure in your life.  But then again, they are the first influences you have, the first experiences you have to deal with.  Goodness, now I will start worrying about my influence on my children!  I do believe though that in his own way that my father does love me, it's just his way and mine are so different, and he is too old now for me to confront him again about the past.

Well enough about my mental health, so I will put the following out there.

I have been contemplating whether or not to share my blood glucose levels here.  Shall I bring them out of the closest so to speak?  I will think about it.  Not sure I am ready to let it all loose, but it is certainly a possibility.

John also suggested I try a new dietician and I think that might just be a good thing.  But then it is the whole shop around thing and I really don't know if I have the energy for that.

Over all, I think today is a Lightness of Being kind of day.  I came home in quite an uplifted mood, tears and all.  So that's got to be good.

Happy to see a nice orange moon finally appear here.  May there be many more to come.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Entry Number 10

It's funny how you can be having the worst day and people comment on how well you are looking.  Think I must have had my mask on today, the one I put on before I walk out the door in the morning.  I so just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep today.

I don't have much to say tonight it seems, I feel kind of numb and there doesn't seem much to say.  Don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Got home in time to inject without too much stress, hurt like hell though and is still a little tender.  Probably means I will bruise again.

Dark Side of the Moon is alive and well tonight.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Entry Number 9

So today we go out for lunch to celebrate hubby's and my birthdays with our children, their partners and our grandchildren.  I miss the carefree days of not having to think about what goes in my mouth, not having to worry about my blood sugar levels.  Having to remember to take my tablet with lunch.  Always having to have them in my bag.

Last night when my Mum came up she again asked how my sugars where going, it didn't feel like a 'casual how are they going', but as a 'you have to tell me' type of request.  As usual, I refused.  This is my journey, and I know she wants to help and is really, really concerned about me, but I don't want to be comparing our two journeys.  I need to work this out on my own.

I did however wonder, should I be more open?  If I am really going to accept this disease as part of my life should I tell people if they ask?

Why do I want to hide this so much?  I think I need to really look at that question.  There is only one person at work who knows.  Am I afraid that people are going to judge?  Is that always my fear?  Being judged on my weight?  Or people seeing my weight at the only reason that I have this disease?  Is that hitting the nail on the head, or is that just another diversion away from whatever the real reason is that does my head in about all of this?

Would I be any better opening up to a support group?

Tonight feels like I am moving towards a lightness of being moment. Not the bright orange glow, but a clearer look at my issues.

Maybe I am getting somewhere.

Entry Number 8

My mother and step father came up for tea and both of them have to give themselves insulin injections before they have dinner.  They both sit there on the couch and discretely lift up their tops and do their injections.  It seems so easy for them to find a spot to inject, while I have to search my whole stomach to find a spot.

I can't just lift and jab as I have so many bruises and irritation marks from the injection sites already done.  It seems, after talking to Fran (diabetes educator) and Charlene (my GP) that I might be having an auto-immune response to some of the injections, hence the small red welts that often appear.  Fran has not heard of anyone else having anything like this to Byetta (my drug of choice - not that I have a choice).

At the moment, I have one small area that seems to be okay to inject into, it is way down near my public area, so certainly not an easy spot to do in public.  I'm not sure I will ever feel comfortable injecting in public given the issues I have with my stomach, all the excess skin from my pregnancies, littered with what seems like millions of silver stretchmarks, so hanging all that out is just not a reality for me.

I am really tired of being a square peg, always outside the norm, never fitting the round hole the rest of the world seems to fit into.

Tiredness seems to be a common theme coming into these entries.  I feel so tired, physically, emotionally and mentally tired all the time lately.

Today is a Dark Side of the Moon kind of day.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

The First Seven Entries

My first entry ....

Crap, who thought this would help?  I have no idea what to write, I really don't want to think about this, it is hard enough to just do it every day.  Where to start, I don't know how I really feel, so I hope this is okay ...  the best I can do is make this a story, I can talk through stories.

I sit here staring at my stomach, crisscrossed by a network of silver stretchmarks, the reminders of the four children this body has nurtured.  I stare at the bruises and the red irritation marks left by the hundreds of injections before, and yes it must be hundreds as I am on my third pack on needles and they come in packs of 100.  

I try and find a place that is not too close to the place I used this morning.  

I can feel myself getting tense, I can feel myself getting frustrated, and then the tears start to fall.  

It all seems so hard, so overwhelming, so out of control.  

Will it hurt this time?  Sometimes it just hurts to push the needle in and the rest is okay.  Sometimes the needle goes in with no issues and then it hurts as the fluid seeps under my skin.  Sometimes the needle and injecting are fine and then it hurts as I take the needle out.  Then there are the times it stings when it is all finished.  Or will tonight be one of the few nights that nothing hurts?  I am blessed that sometimes it is painless and I can breathe more easily.  It is the not knowing how this will be this time that makes me tense.

But I know I can do this, I have to do this, and so I will.

p.s. Tonight it hurt going in and stung afterwards

Entry Number 2

My psychologist commented about how the tears fall from my eyes, not like I am really crying, just leaking when I talk.  He asked me why and I couldn't really explain, it just happens.  He said he thought I was sad, I disagreed, well internally I did anyway. But you know, I think he is right.  I think I am sad, somewhere deep down in my soul.  Sad about many things that I have suppressed over the years.  I suppose we all are in some ways.  What I find though is when I write here, that the tears just fall, hopefully that is a good thing.  Hopefully that means that some of the sadness is coming out?

Tonight I am feeling pretty crappy, I'm tired, tired of work, tired of being tired, tired of having to think about this.  I think that will be it for tonight.  Writing about myself, my real self is tiring.

Entry Number 3

Do you think that by writing you can overcome a phobia?  I'm not sure that I even have a true needle phobia anymore, after 300 odd needles and the countless needle pricks to test my blood, I seem to just be cold about it all.  I've become like a robot, just doing rather than feeling.  Is that good?  Does that mean the phobia is gone.  Or does it mean I am just suppressing again, pushing it all down so I don't have to deal with it?

Entry Number 4

I occasionally read a blog called "Finding My New Normal", it's about life after losing a baby just days before he should have been born.  While I haven't had to personally deal with anything so crushingly heart-breaking, the title resonates with me.

It's time for me to define my 'new normal'.  Why is it that while I write this that I begin to leak tears again.  Does that mean I have hit the nail on the head, finally.  I'm not sobbing, just leaking, tears blurring my vision and slowly rolling one by one down my checks.  What is it about the new normal, this new journey that I am so scared about?  Is it that I am scared, or is it that I am sad, overwhelmed?  Why is change so hard for me?

If I am honest I have always been afraid of change, I like the comfort of the sameness in my life.

Entry Number 5

Tonight I am pissed off, angry and pissed off.  I'm frustrated by having to constantly keep an eye on the clock, making sure I leave work in enough time to get home to inject myself not too close to dinner.  I'm really angry that this is the crap I have to deal with.  So I supposed that means I am angry at myself, for if I had taken better care of myself, then maybe I wouldn't have been here at all.  Maybe that says it all, I am just pissed off at myself!!

Entry Number 6

I just can't be bothered tonight, really what will I get from all of this?

Entry Number 7

What a shit day, visits to the 'high almighty' dietician and the diabetes educator.  Having to lay it out before them.  Having them pull apart my life, my husband's life, having them judge.  Seriously, can they get some people who have more than 'a piece of paper'.  Let me talk to someone who deals with this on a daily basis.  Let's not keep putting me into the 'too hard' basket.  A 'piece of paper' doesn't mean you understand, truly understand what this is like.  You may understand the mechanics of the disease, but you have no answers to the hard questions.  Just the platitudes, just the knowing look when I try to explain.  You may judge me by what I look like on the outside, but you don't know who I am.

And look, tonight it is all so much harder when I try and inject.  Bonus.

What It's All About

I wrote the following post on my blog Menopausal Mumma the other day.  You will see at the bottom that I said I didn't want to over share, and that's right, on that blog I don't want to, but I have decided to do just that on this blog to see if it helps me on my journey to acceptance of diabetes and ultimately my improved health - physical and mental.

Who am I, well that is a good question, you can read the about me, but that it just the fluff piece, the real me, is kind of a control freak, kind of suffering from mild anxiety, an extroverted introvert with a small group of very good female friends, both in real life and here in cyberspace.  I am struggling to come to terms with having a chronic illness/disease and while it is no where near as horrible as cancer or the like, to me it is still 'doing my head in'.

If you chose to comment, please feel free to do so, especially if you are on the same journey, for something I have found out, is though there is a great diabetes network in Western Australia, there doesn't seem to be a support group of any kind.

So, in an attempt to overcome my needle phobia and come to terms with dealing with that and the whole D2 bullsh** I went to a psychologist the other day.

Once I got over the whole, oh my God he is a parody of what anyone would think a psychologist should look like, picture longish greying hair, goatee, black turtleneck skivvy under jacket (thankfully no leather patches on the elbows), 6 silver bangles on one wrist, earring in one ear and a bust of someone (Freud??) on his filing cabinet, he turned out to be an okay sort of guy and we had a meaningful discussion.

Although he started it by asking me to choose somewhere to sit while he popped out to the loo.  So I did the whole, oh crap does that mean something, like if I choose the wrong chair it means I am a psychopath, or should I lie down on the chesterfield leather couch dilemma, I chose the yellow wing chair as it looked comfortable.

So one of the things he has asked me to do is to journal how I feel just prior to giving myself my injection so I can bring it back to him so he can understand and help me understand what exactly is going on.  Sure no worries, except, what if I get it wrong??  But then, is there a right or wrong, it is not a test, or is it?  Sure no worries, but how do you put down in words things I find hard to explain to myself.

Maybe sharing it here is the wrong thing, but somehow cyberspace seems to listen and it helps me to know that someone is listening, even if they don't comment, in fact comments can be over-rated and sometimes I get anxious wondering what people will say or really think.

I know that I won't write it all here, I don't want to over share, or to bore the pants of people who pop over to read.  But today, I seem to need to share what I wrote, I certainly am not looking for sympathy or comments, I am just putting it out into the Universe.