Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Entry Number 11

So this afternoon was my 2nd visit to see John (my psychologist) and yet more tears were shed.  I sort of knew I would leak again when reading him back my entries.  We only got through Number 1 and 2. He feels I am getting somewhere though, which is a good thing and has encouraged me to keep writing.

It seems that all the times I have put things into a box, thinking they were dealt with, and then put them away somewhere in my soul, that sometimes I really hadn't dealt with them at all.  Now a few of boxes might be springing leaks or maybe there is just no more room for more boxes and so my diabetes is like the straw that broke the camel's back.  I can sort of relate to that analogy.

Funny how my father keeps coming up as an issue, even when I don't go there thinking I will talk about him.  But it seems that maybe it was because of my feelings around him that I built the very first box.  I know that is a cliche in some ways, you know, that it always the father or mother figure in your life.  But then again, they are the first influences you have, the first experiences you have to deal with.  Goodness, now I will start worrying about my influence on my children!  I do believe though that in his own way that my father does love me, it's just his way and mine are so different, and he is too old now for me to confront him again about the past.

Well enough about my mental health, so I will put the following out there.

I have been contemplating whether or not to share my blood glucose levels here.  Shall I bring them out of the closest so to speak?  I will think about it.  Not sure I am ready to let it all loose, but it is certainly a possibility.

John also suggested I try a new dietician and I think that might just be a good thing.  But then it is the whole shop around thing and I really don't know if I have the energy for that.

Over all, I think today is a Lightness of Being kind of day.  I came home in quite an uplifted mood, tears and all.  So that's got to be good.

Happy to see a nice orange moon finally appear here.  May there be many more to come.


  1. Wonderful to see the bright orange moon back again tonight.
    Don't worry too much about your influence on your children. You were always a very good mum and taught them important values about life. They as adults become their own persons and then go their own way. All you could do was guide them in their youth and that you did.
    I always feel so sad about you and your dad but it is water under the bridge and I sincerely hope my own influence was not too bad.
    I feel strength coming through in tonight's post which is fantastic.
    I can recommend a very good dietician if she is indeed still practising. I found Louise very understanding and very helpful. I could find out for you if you would like me to do so.
    Don't worry about the tears...there are variations on tears, some of which are bad whilst others verge on being beneficial.
    Keep up that positive thinking and in the end you will succeed.
    Love you. xxxx

  2. Sometimes my tears are cathartic, and other times they are an expression of frustation, anger, grief. If you were feeling uplifted today it seems that today's tears were an expression of you letting go of things that have perhaps been buried for too long. I actually don't care why it is, I am just happy that today you are feeling a tad better. Anytime you want to vent, you know where to find me. Hugs.

  3. PS: Share your blood glucose levels when and if you are ready to do so.

  4. I'd love to hear your levels, but only if you're interested in sharing them.

    Does your GP have a large clinic, with a nurse etc? There are quite a few popping up here now where they have Psychologists, Dieticians and nurses on their roster. Ask (if you have not already, I'm sorry. I should have read this from the start rather than backwards) for a chronic illness care plan. They can refer you to a nurse, then psychologists, dieticians and podiatrists. You'll not only get them at a reduced rate, but they can coordinate them for you. One less thing to think about.

    I've had to do it that way. Between all of my appts (2 surgeons, a GP, dietician, exercise physiologist, Psychologist etc) and the boys GP, Paediatricians, speech therapists, occupational therapists, physical therapists and learning specialists - it's a lot. Too much by far. I can't keep track of it and I have a tendency to just get overwhelmed and do none of it.

    Find out what you can access, see if it can all be co-ordinated from one central location. xxxx