So today I am flying out to Adelaide and it is the first day I will be traveling with all my diabetes paraphernalia and I am suffering some trepidation about the whole thing.
I have my letter from the doctor, I have my special cool pack to keep my drugs at a low temperature, I have my BG monitor and all my other associated drugs. It is not so much that I am worried that the security will try and take it all away from me, although there is a small tinge of worry there about that, it is more that it will draw attention to myself.
I don't want to be the person they pull aside and start asking questions of, in a busy airport, in a long line of people. I feel quite ill at the thought of it all.
I am hoping that it will all be smooth sailing, that they won't even say or do anything, but what if they do?
Sure I have my letter of authority, but I know I will hate the 'whole centre of attention' thing. I know I will get upset and maybe cry, and the whole thing is really doing my head in. So much so that I have a splitting headache and I had the worst night's sleep of my life last night.
I know that once I do it once that I will be less stressed each and every time after that, but that doesn't help how I am feeling right about now. Ironically, I am trying to avoid stress as that puts my BG levels up - good old Catch 22 is alive and well again.
This is why I really hate this disease, it is causing me anxiety, it is causing me to face change (and I am not good at that at all), it is causing me to be the centre of attention (even if it is just in my own head). I don't deserve this. There I've said it, I DON'T DESERVE THIS. Ultimately that is what is pissing my off the most.
I have scheduled this post so come up while I am on the plane, just in case one of my family reads this and tries to ring me to offer support, I love that they do that for me, but I need not to cry right now and just writing this is causing me to leak and I know if they call I will full on start blubbering.
Trying to keep all this away from my hubby as well, he doesn't need the added stress in his life either.