Monday, August 20, 2012

Entry Number 16 - Trepidation

So today I am flying out to Adelaide and it is the first day I will be traveling with all my diabetes paraphernalia and I am suffering some trepidation about the whole thing.

I have my letter from the doctor, I have my special cool pack to keep my drugs at a low temperature, I have my BG monitor and all my other associated drugs.  It is not so much that I am worried that the security will try and take it all away from me, although there is a small tinge of worry there about that, it is more that it will draw attention to myself.

I don't want to be the person they pull aside and start asking questions of, in a busy airport, in a long line of people.  I feel quite ill at the thought of it all.

I am hoping that it will all be smooth sailing, that they won't even say or do anything, but what if they do?

Sure I have my letter of authority, but I know I will hate the 'whole centre of attention' thing.  I know I will get upset and maybe cry, and the whole thing is really doing my head in.  So much so that I have a splitting headache and I had the worst night's sleep of my life last night.

I know that once I do it once that I will be less stressed each and every time after that, but that doesn't help how I am feeling right about now.  Ironically, I am trying to avoid stress as that puts my BG levels up - good old Catch 22 is alive and well again.

This is why I really hate this disease, it is causing me anxiety, it is causing me to face change (and I am not good at that at all), it is causing me to be the centre of attention (even if it is just in my own head).  I don't deserve this.  There I've said it, I DON'T DESERVE THIS.  Ultimately that is what is pissing my off the most.

The Dark Side of the Moon is here today, hopefully by the time I get on the plane I will be able to say what all went well and I will have a Lightness of Being moment because I did it.  Please God, that is all I ask, let this be easy for me today.

I have scheduled this post so come up while I am on the plane, just in case one of my family reads this and tries to ring me to offer support, I love that they do that for me, but I need not to cry right now and just writing this is causing me to leak and I know if they call I will full on start blubbering.

Trying to keep all this away from my hubby as well, he doesn't need the added stress in his life either.


  1. Isn't it amazing how when things are awful we can just straighten our backs and hold our heads high, and if someone comes along and is supportive or offers sympathy the tears will come pouring down.
    I had similar worries when I flew into Argentina on my way to Antarctica and had six weeks supply of syringes (and all the necessary authorisations). I panicked thinking I don't speak the language, anything could happen... Essentially I had a migraine before even boarding the plane and hyperventilated for far too much of the flight.
    And they didn't give a rat's behind and waved me through. Which everyone had told me would happen.
    All that energy wasted on worrying.
    I really, really hope you sail through as I did.
    PS Have fun in both Adelaide and the Barossa Valley.

    1. Sorry I did reply (see below) but was doing this via my phone this morning as we couldn't get the computer to work. The stress was awful, I was a real mess before leaving and to sail through without any hassles was a blessing. I am a little worried that I will still stress on the way home, but that is more about who I am I suppose. xxx

  2. Thanks sweetie that is exactly what happened. They didn't even double check my handbag it can through I picked it up and that was it. If I hadn't rung Qantas and got told it might be confiscated I wouldn't have been so stressed!!!