I will forewarn you, this will be a Dark Side of the Moon post, it will also be somewhat painful to write. I know it will be teary post, because my eyes are already brimming with tears.
What's The Point - of trying to eat well, of giving up Coke, of injecting myself twice daily? Nothing it seems as my readings are going sky high again and now I will be on insulin.
What's The Point - of even trying at all, when this disease chews you up and spits you out like a piece of discarded waste?
What's The Point, well the point is I am trying to live without my feet being amputated, without going blind, without getting sicker and sicker.
But, shit, I am trying and it is not working.
I am still classed as uncontrolled, and too right I am, I am uncontrolled with frustration and anger. I am really to smash something, but What's The Point? It changes nothing.
My weight is already heading back up because I am off the arthritis medication that gave me constant diarrhoea, nearly 5kgs in 3 months, and I am trying to eat less and eat well, What's The Point ... it makes no difference at all.
So now, it is recommended I have a gastric sleeve operation, permanent surgery to reduce the amount I am eating, because NO ONE IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION BELIEVES ME!!
They all think I overeat, it's bloody obvious, they do that smile when I try and tell them, you know the one, the right She's Kidding Herself smile.
And just to sweeten the deal for me, now I am on insulin and that makes you put on weight. BLOODY WIN WIN SITUATION THIS ISN'T.
But somehow I am supposed to smile and get on with my life.
So here is the Dark Moon, and it is likely it will be here for a while now.
And a side note to my Mum, please don't call me to talk about this, if and when I want to talk I will bring it up, I just need some time to sit with this. Your support is always appreciated, and I love that you are there for me, but I need time to process this, please.