Entry Number 29

Sorry if you have read this on my other blog, but just wanted to put it here as well.

NEVER BEFORE IN MY LIFE have I let people know my true weight, not even my hubby knew.  Of course my doctors did (all of them), my dietitian did, but scales were never part of my household and so it was only occasionally at the doctors that I actually found out my weight.

I know that back in 1996 when I had surgery I weighed 121kg and I know that prior to losing the weight on the Arava (side effect not taken for weight loss) I weighed 122kg.   I also know that I was probably up around 125kg at my heaviest.

So there, it is now out there.  

When I first went to Dr Cohen (Mercy Bariatrics) I was on the way back up from my lowest point of 109.8kg (after going off the Arava), I was at 116.9kg.  Three weeks later prior to starting the VLCD I was 117.2kg.  So still steadily going up.

You see, I have weighed between 120-125kg for about 30 years, I would lose as much as 5kg through dedicated long term effort (exercise or diet or both) then slowly it would go back up to around the same.  It seems that was where my body was happy.  Of course the side effects were high blood pressure (on 2 medications for that) and a worsening group of arthritis and back symptoms and of course Type 2 Diabetes.  So while my body was happy, it wasn't really.

Like most people, I don't always eat well or make the best choices, but I do believe portion control rather than eating the wrong type of food has been my downfall.  Even when on the Low GI diet, I did not lose weight, and it only marginally made my BG levels better.

Now in past posts I railed against my Diabetes Specialist for even suggesting I have bariatric surgery, now I want to hug him.

12 days post op I now weigh 104.5kg (I was 110.4kgs on the morning of my operation).  I can't remember the last time I weigh this little (yes I know it is not that little in the scheme of things).

I am 169-170cm in height (depends on the person measuring me) and so I was morbidly obese before I started this journey.

I had a 50/50 chance of having a stroke or heart attack within the next 5 years, not great odds.  I am working hard to lessen those, taking the drastic step of having 2/3 of my stomach removed is drastic, it is not the 'easy way out' as there is nothing easy about this.  

But I think I am the happiest I have been in years.  Today I put on a size 20 top and it fit, I bought it online and it got delivered today, I thought it would be weeks before I would be able to fit into it and look good (I was wearing 24/26 pre surgery).  But it looks great on and the smile on my face is huge.

I still have a long way to go, as my doctor wants me down at 76kgs, while I will be happy to get to 85, but just maybe I can get there.

My BMI has already dropped from 41 to 36.4, so still morbidly obese, but almost down to just obese.  Small victories and small steps.

I have also rocked this surgery and already am back on semi solid foods, yesterday I had a very soft poached egg and it was so good after weeks of the VLCD and then post surgery of fluids.

Today I had some baked beans for breakfast, a small tin of tuna for lunch and for dinner a small serve of poached fish.  I am appreciating food so much more, given that I will never be able to eat more than 1 cup of food when I am back to full diet, but it is worth it.  Sure there are the daily mult-vitamins to compensate for the lack of fruit and vegies but a small sacrifice.

I just can't stop smiling.

Oh and my Blood Glucose is almost normal and I have an appointment with my specialist at the end of February to see if I can get off all meds, at the moment I am only on 500gms of Metformin after breakfast and after dinner.  I will hopefully be off my blood pressure meds too some time in the future.

I will be able to get on the floor again to play with my grandkids, I won't be so embarrassed at the swimming pool, I will be able to fly without worrying about who is sitting next to me - and hopefully will one day be able to put the tray table down and not have it rest on my tummy.

New life here I come.  Thanks so much to my family and work colleagues and friends, who have been so supportive, who are so caring and in my corner for this journey.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Low GI Recipe - Lemon Iced Tea

Another summer drink recipe I might try this summer.  The recipe is from the Australian Better Homes and Gardens Diabetic Living Magazine in the Divine Desserts booklet found in the November-December 2012 Issue.

Lemon Iced Tea

Preparation Time: 15 mins (+ 1 hour cooling and 6 hours chilling)
Cooking Time: 5 mins

Makes 2L (Serves 8)

2L (8 cups) boiling water
110g (1/2 cup) CSR LoGiCane Low GI Cane Sugar
5 Black tea bags
60ml (1/4 cup) freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 small lemon, halved crossways, thinly sliced
Ice cubes to serve
Fresh mint leaves to serve.

1. Pour the boiling water into a large heatproof jug. Add the sugar and stir until the sugar dissolves. Add the tea bags and jiggle for a few minutes.  Set the tea bags aside in the water for 10 mins to steep.  Squeeze excess liquid from the tea bags and remove.

2. Stir the lemon juice into the tea and set aside for 1 hour to cool slightly.  Add the lemon slices to the tea. Refrigerate for 4-6 hours, or until chilled.

3. To serve, fill small glasses with ice cubes, add a few mint leaves and top up with tea.  Serve immediately.

Entry Number 28 - The Insulin Journey, First Wrap Up

This insulin journey is now in it's second, or is it third week?  I've lost track, started on the evening of the 19th October ... so let's see (fingers and toes out for counting), okay 15 nights tonight, so just over two weeks.

I started on 10ml as instructed, stayed on that for 4 nights, made little to no difference, so upped it to 12ml, a slightly downward shift, very slight.  So up to 14ml next, still only a small shift downward.  So up to 16ml and suddenly I get mid 7's two mornings in a row.  Happy dance.

And then the crappiness of this bloody disease hits again, next morning I've jumped up a lot, back to almost where I was when I started.  So I immediately up the insulin to 18ml, forgetting until this morning that the Prof said increase by 2s until 16 and then 4s, and another crap reading this morning, although a smidge down on yesterday morning.

So tonight its 20ml ... lets see what the morning brings, I fear it's not going to be good because tonight we did take away - sigh, there was nothing in the cupboards because hubby didn't have time to shop, or the will to go to the shops and shop tonight.  I don't blame him, it's been a long and hard week for both of us in lots of ways.

It's not excuse though, I need to just get back into shopping, too bad if my bad can't cope, it is not fair that he has to do it all.  I am happy to online shop, but he doesn't want that as he likes to pick the food he is cooking.

I've still been down about the whole suggested lap sleeve surgery, but the more this disease plays with my head, the more it becomes a choice I might be willing to take.

So even though the full moon was only the other night, there is no brightness here tonight.

Thanks for popping by.


An added p.s - just to show you how this plays with your mind, after thinking I would get a crap reading this morning, I got a 7.5 - go figure!!!

Low GI Recipe - Sparking Triple-Berry Punch

So a drink this time, just for something different.  I haven't tried it yet, but it is on my menu for Christmas Day.

From Australian Better Homes and Gardens, Diabetic Living Magazine, November/Dec 2012

Now the recipe doesn't have any nutritional or GI info, but I am hoping, given it is in their magazine it is at least no more than medium GI.

Sparkling Triple-Berry Punch, Serves 6

1.5L light cranberry juice, chilled

Juice of 1/2 lemon

1.25L diet dry ginger ale, chilled

750ml Yellowglen Jewel Pink, chilled

250gm strawberries, hulled, chopped

120g (1 cup) frozen raspberries

1/4 cup small mint leaves

Ice cubes, to serve

Extra mint, to serve

1. Put juices, ginger ale, wine, berries, mint and ice in a large jug. Stir well. Top with extra mint to serve.

Entry Number 27 - See the Person, Not the Disease

So I've been thinking a lot about my reaction to Wednesday's visit to the Prof, my diabetes specialist, and I've realised that what pissed me off the most is that I felt he only sees the disease not me, well not the real me.

He is good at what he does, one of the best in Perth in fact, and he has years and years of experience.  But does he see me or only what he wants for me?

I know he wants me to be a controlled diabetic.

I know that he knows that losing weight will help.

I know that he has my best interests at heart.

But I don't know if he sees me, the square peg that very rarely fits into the round hole of anything.

I have 3 types of arthritis and none responded to the medication like they should, in fact I could say that the medications made no difference at all.

I have type 2 Diabetes, and a Low GI food diet, medication and even exercise (when I was at the pool) made only a slight bit of difference in the long run.  Even losing 12 kgs didn't bring my blood sugars down to even close to normal, in honesty if made a slight difference for a short period of time.

So while it is good to have all the medical knowledge in the world, if you don't see the person, if you don't listen to the person, can you cure the person?

Now I am not saying that I am a perfect person, doing all the right things all the time, hell no.  I am the first to admit that I break the rules all the time, especially when I am stressed - which lately is all the time.  But I am trying the hardest I can to do the right thing, but when it comes down to it I am human and I am me and maybe, just maybe you need to think outside the box of this disease to help me.

Is that asking too much?

Entry Number 26 - Trying to Find The Bright Side

Last night as I sat and thought about giving myself my Insulin injection, I took the time to reflect on the positives.

1. Only 1 needle per day (at this point anyway).

2. The insulin can be injected at room temperature, so less likely to sting

3. I only have to give it to myself at bedtime (at this point anyway), which means I can now think about going out for breakfast or dinner without carrying it with me.

4. If I do have to start giving it to myself more often, I don't have to carry the cooler bag with me, so it is more discrete.

5. I don't have to rush home to make sure I have enough time before my evening meal to give myself an injection.

It is still stressing me about the weight gain that is inevitable, but at least there is a slight new spin happening in my head, which is good.

So I won't put up a dark moon today, nor a bright orange one, in fact I will leave it blank, and take the pressure off there as well.

Thanks for popping by xxx

Entry Number 25 - The Insulin Regime Starts Tonight

So putting a half glass full on the whole going onto Insulin, at least I now no longer have to do 2 injections a day plus the evening Insulin as I am off the Byetta as it did nothing for me - no weight loss and only marginal dropping of my BGLs at the beginning.

So before retiring to the Land of Nod tonight I will start my Lantis Insulin injection at 10ml, then I need to check my BGL in the morning prior to breakfast, after 4 nights of 10 ml (and the subsequent morning checks), if it is not going down, I need to increase to 12, then 14, then 16, then 20, then 24, then 28 etc until I start to get some results.

So the waiting (no pun intended and of course it would be spelt differently) game begins.  Will this work?  One can only hope.

When I saw John (my pysch) on Monday I told him I was struggling with feeling broken and fragmented, I feel like I no longer have the ability to see the glass as half full.  He found one for me though, many years ago there would not have been medication for Diabetes - so true.

Still this feeling of being fragmented is a worry.  I am so scared that if I let one little shard go I will fracture into a million pieces.

I am sure that attending counselling will help in the long run, but right about now it feels like I have just lifted the corner of Pandora's Box and all that is within will coming bursting out at a rate that is too fast for me to cope with.

Suppression may lead to depression, but I'm sort of scared that non suppression will lead to insanity!

I'd like to welcome my 2 new followers, Wanderlust and Melissa, 2 wonderful cyber friends who along with The Elephant's Child send me so much love that it brings tears to my eyes - thanks ladies.  And of course there is my Mum (Mimsie) who has always been there for me.

Today I had my injections into my back, hopefully they will bring me some relief and I can get back to the pool and walking.  I expect though that the cortisone will increase my readings for a few days as well.

Tonight we had the lovely Low GI Chicken Curry from this post - it really is delicious.

Thanks for popping by and sharing you love and support, I am really trying to get the golden moon back here again xxx